Jesus freaks at work.
June 17, 2008
So I'm having a particularly bad day at work (I know, astounding), and my break finally comes up. So I leap away from my computer full of alarms triggered by people that, until a year or so ago, probably didn't have electricity, and head to the break room. Ah, the break room, my momentary solace from inbreeds and southern 'gentlemen' who work for churches and cuss at you for calling them.
I typically commandeer the satellite because nobody else is watching it, and also because some clown always leaves it on the golf channel. And if you are unfamiliar with my feelings on golf... I direct you to a very similar opinion of NASCAR crap. If I wanted to watch rich old people smack their balls around all day, I'm sure I could find something suitable for that purpose on our friend, the Internets.
But I digress. I put it on CNN 'cause you know, 300 channels, and that's the only really useful one. And they're covering the whole fanfare of the big California gay marriage hoo hah. And I'm like hey, more power to them, 'cause I've always believed that everybody should have the equal right to realize just how stupid an institution marriage is, and to suffer mightily under it's obsolete, pointless yoke.
So they went on about it for a while, and a crowd started building up around the ratty couch I was lounging on. And I was lounging, have no doubt about it, limbs splayed vaguely akimbo all over because I'm not about to share furniture with people that normally forget to bathe. No. But a crowd is building up, like six or seven people, and they're mesmerized by the scene of two really old lesbians kissing.
And then they started yammering in about how 'horrible' it is. Sure it's not a visually pleasing image, but hey, apparently these people were together for 50 years or something? Good for them. But no, it's bad bad bad, and blah blah blah. I swear one started gibbering Jesus gobbledygook behind me. And you know, I'm already in a mood, so the last thing I need is yet another sermon today.
Because working for a company where people pay you to call them? I get many sermons a day. A whole lot of ignorant Americans think that their voice mail machine is the perfect place to leave a three minute quotation from the Bible that they regularly masturbate to. You think I'm lying? Call random houses in the south during the day. Just look up some numbers and try. I dare you.
So here I am on my break hearing how they're all going to Hell and blah blah blah. I find it amazing that people in this country are so un-educated that they don't realize that the 'institution' of marriage was actually around before their precious drug-scribbly Bible says the world was created. But then we are talking about people that cower at the thought of an invisible boogeyman spanking them for being naughty.
Not just ignorant holy rollers, but ignorant Nebraskan holy rollers. They breed 'em with real good blank Jesus stares here, you know. This is one of those backwards states that actually has a constitutional amendment against same-sex marriage, and yet allows state-sanctioned pedophile organizations (I'm looking at you, Catholic church) to open and operate high schools with their tax dollars.
Yes, you heard that right. The most recent Catholic high school built here was made in part with public money. So if you live here in Omaha, not only did your taxes pay to have that abomination of education built, but you also have to pay more just to get your kids in there to be brainwashed into proper boogeyman fearing nitwits that can't think their way out of a burning paper bag.
So I made an offhand comment about how maybe, just maybe, there wouldn't be so many gay people if so many priests weren't trying so hard to 'convert' them to buggery. This had the effect you could imagine, and I'm sure a few of the creepy old raisin-skin ladies at work won't be talking to me again any time soon. Which is just as well, 'cause I'm tired of the walking corpses hitting on me all the time.
Although I swear the one Jamaican guy laughed so hard that he peed his pants.