Bizarre Bondage Nurse.
July 24, 2008
One of the more bizarre things revolving around the operation I had here on Wednesday (that being yesterday for you temporally challenged folk) was the nurse I had. She was a very nice lady, don't get me wrong. After all, I have absolutely no complaints about a person who can give me an IV without actually hurting me. I mean, I'm terribly scared of needles.
Yes, I am one of those people.
The odd thing was the whole time she was with me she engaged in 'aggressive positive reinforcement'. Every time I did something she asked or didn't freak out when she did something horrible to me she would respond with 'Good Job!' Well, not every single time. Once or twice, while the drugs were starting to take effect, I'm pretty sure she said 'Good Boy!'
Which, you know, sets off weird caution flags in me. Perhaps it's the particular brand of perverts that I am exposed to (not that perverts are all bad, by any means), but suddenly I started imagining her in one of those leather 'dominatrix' suits and cracking a whip, perhaps with me all chained up to the surgical bed thing. Which I sort of was, really.
Not with leather straps or chains but you know, with Medical Implements. That's one of those weird fantasies that a few people have as I understand it but... you know, I'm already drugged up and uneasy, so things started to get a bit surreal in my head. Things got even more odd when she pulled off my already revealing 'gown' thing and shaved me.
My brain already working in weird places, I couldn't help but watch with morbid curiosity as she took the razor thingie to my whole torso and rendered most of it ... not quite baby smooth but not horribly overgrown as it usually is. I had to feel it up once she was done, since I don't recall the last time I was not, in fact, hairy on my stomach.
I already have the fear about that, as I know from the last time I shaved some hair that I shouldn't that it's going to get horribly itchy all too soon. Yes, I made the mistake once of shaving the hair off my bits, and imagine my surprise a day or so later when it started growing back in. Oh, if only I had a jug of Nads to use on my, er, nads.
But I digress. I pretty much slowly went out cold a few moments after that, as they'd wheeled me into the operating room proper, and the Drug Man told me he was going to give me something to help me relax. Which I found amusing as I was already pretty relaxed at that point. I mean nodding off. The next thing I knew it was all over and I was in a recovery room.
All in all it went pretty smoothly, I guess. I am recovering nicely despite the horrible pain I feel every time I move. As a part of that I went to hop into the shower this morning and keeping the nurse's words in mind, I left the band-aids covering the holes they punched into me (sutures or whatever they are called, I am a doctor, y'know) on.
So I'm looking over me, and what do you know, I found someone had drawn smiley faces on my bare flesh whilst I was unconscious. This was one of those simple little punch lines to my day that simply made me stop to laugh. I mean it is pretty funny, or so I thought. Or maybe I'm just on way too much codiene to start with - or maybe it's a bit of both.
I have attempted to provide you a photograph of one of the smiles, but I am stoned, and taking 'clear' pictures is somewhat tricksy in my current state. You can sort of get the basic gist of it, however, and one friend of mine asked me if it was done while I was 'normal' or 'hyperinflated', so if the latter it could resolve Shrinkydink ™ style.
Sadly, the world may never know.