Animal Cracker Activists
August 21st, 2018
Bleary-eyed, I stumbled to my bench in the death trap I ostensibly work at, feeling as though I hadn't managed nearly enough sleep, as is always the case. You would think by now that I'd be used to functioning on five or less hours of rest per day, with a day or so during the weekend to play catch-up. Of course, I was a barely-functional insomniac for years, so naturally I would assume five is more than enough.
The moment I began to determine what I'm supposed to be doing today, the Tea Party Princess began gibbering, loudly and incoherently, at her bench. I used to sit a far, far distance away from the Tea Party Princess, which meant that I only had to deal with her bigoted and farcical rants in our break room, which is why I regularly take my breaks as far as I can from said break room while still being on the premises.
Not remotely ready for this yet, I nonetheless girded my loins, and prepared for another screed about liberals, or immigrants, or welfare recipients, or whatever else had managed to get her bloomers in a twist this time. Imagine my surprise when, out of the blue, she looked at me wide-eyed, and blurted out that PETA had forced the Barnum's Animal Crackers people to change their packaging to no longer feature animals in cages.
I found this remarkable, because PETA is a terrorist group full of animal-killing hypocrites, so I can't imagine anyone actually taking anything they say to heart, much less 'demands'. Furthermore, animal crackers aren't, uh, animals, so they're out of PETA's jurisdiction. Thus, with my brains already running out my ears, I had to wait until my first break to look this hogwash up, and this is what I found.
So, apparently PETA making suggestions magically transformed into demands in the minds of the right-wing radio scumbags that the Tea Party Princess dotes on when not excoriating the 'fake news' all the neo-Nazis are on about these days. And then I had to hear about it, at considerable length, all through the morning today. And you people wonder why I hate this dump and almost everyone in it.
You. People. Wonder.