I Should Have Been A Detective

September 10th, 2018

'Narcissist' was a nice touch.

Just a couple of days ago, I'd mentioned that apparently one of my coworkers thinks our place of work is the appropriate locale to recruit gullible saps for his church. I even shared an image of the Jesus cards he's leaving all over the joint, whether in the restroom or on various communal worktables or even in the break room. And, obviously, I stated my distress at this behavior.

I had a good idea which of my bloviating garbage human coworkers was behind this chicanery, but I hadn't really escalated my counterproselytization efforts as of yet. Aside from one awfully and hastily made scribble, at least, but sometimes it takes me a while to really get going. And I hadn't seen any of his leavings for a few days, so it hadn't been at the forefront of my head static.

So, going about my business today, I wound up in the back room where the likely culprit usually works, as I had to apply some coatings to some things that I was supposed to fix even though, according to the management, that's no longer my job. But, nonetheless, there I was. So I ambled into the area where Professor Beatshiskids works, and went to grab some supplies, when I saw it.

That's some fine detective work there, Lou.

Either I'm a world-class detective, or my coworkers really are as stupid as I think they are.

Professor Beatshiskids has been going out of his way to clandestinely leave any number of these obnoxious recruitment cards, or whatever on earth they're supposed to be, all over the building. He's made sure that nobody has seen him dropping these off, because rest assured, I have been watching him for a very long time, what with him being my prime suspect.

Despite all this effort, he literally taped one to his work bench, assuming no one would look at it, I guess? Yeah, I guess I haven't been being too hard on my coworkers. They really are, hands down, some of the dumbest people on earth. I suppose it's possible that Professor Beatshiskids doesn't know that abandoning his church leavings all over the building makes for a hostile workplace.

But somehow, I don't see that being the case. Perhaps, more appropriately, he doesn't care. And that's why I am continuing with my plan of leaving horribly inappropriate graffiti on these things whenever I run afoul of them. But I'll only be leaving half of the spoiled cards where I find them. No, the other half are getting crammed into the Bible he's got on another bench in his area.

Because screw that guy.

firebomb@obnoxiousjerk.com