Links of the Damned 1: Filth Edition
March 23, 2009
Links of the Damned 1: Filth Edition
In the course of the last several years, I have stumbled across a wide variety of sites that are, for the lack of a better term, hypnotic. They are the sort of thing that I can't help but look at and once I see the initial shocker, I just have to dig deeper. In the interest of exorcizing these demons, I've decided to share some of these links with you. Of course, I have to Disclaim for some of you.
These are absolutely, positively, beyond a shadow of a doubt Not Safe For Work. So bring them up on a co-worker's computer!
JT's Stockroom: this one initially stuck in my head because I am a geek, and that mask looked like a dead ringer for the Gi Joe fellow known as 'Snake-Eyes' - the old school one. That and I've always had a Spandex ™ 'thing' and thought, when I decide to start my career as a vigilante, I'll use one of these without the blindfold in to protect my secret identity! Of course, then I started digging further and the things I saw.
Terrible, terrible rubber things.
V U L V A: When I received this link from a friend I didn't believe it at first, but these fuckers are still at it so I presume they're making some kind of money. My nose twitches at the idea, and every time I go to this site I get a distinct odor stuck in my head... like a mental smell? But hey, I guess just enough people find the idea of walking around and smelling like woman-bits appealing that they'll be around for a good long time.
I'm just waiting for the male counterpart. 'Why does everything smell like dick?'
Knicker Picker: this one isn't horrifying so much as mystifying; it is truly the most hypnotic of these links I curse you with. It's like playing with dressing dolls or something, but using real nubile young girls, seemingly of the English sort? They're all so bouncy and happy, and you can just keep trying on different outfits and different-sized girls as long as your attention span holds. And of course come back another day when you're bored and do it all again!
The 'jog' option on 'sports wear' kills me.
Toto Washlet: all I needed was the first part of their flash intro to hypnotize me, but no, I had to click deeper into the site to figure out just what was going on. They have extended movies talking about the Toto Washlet, and why you should buy three or so of them for your house. Maybe it's just the juvenile in me, but seeing some unnaturally happy old guy talk around the fact that he really likes to have a clean ass all the time just sort of malfunctions my brain a bit.
I don't really know why, either.
(In Japanese): I don't know the name of this particular site / game really, but I'm not really sure that's important; what's important is that you PLAY it. It's a good thing it's in Japanese really, because it's one of those things that's impossible to describe so much as something you have to experience first-hand. I recommend you give it a shot if only to revel in the bizarre surreal culture of Japan for a few moments.
Love it.
Nude Flexy Girls of Russia: I don't typically retain links to porn imagery because there's simply so much of it to go around, but I made an exception in this case because really, look at this one. These people have the right idea: if you want to market your naked girls, you should at least make the experience amusing. And this photo spread kills me every single time I look at the goddamn thing.
Luggage Girl!
Radulova: Speaking of Russian girls, this one is not amusing nor is it appealing in the slightest. It appears to be someone's journal collection of horribly malnourished girls who apparently think they're sexy? I don't know but scrolling through picture after picture I just want to hop on an airplane to Moscow with a bag full of bacon double cheeseburgers and force these girls to eat a few.
The last thing I want to see is someone's bones... in that level of detail. Especially when they're still alive.
Zeta Creations: on a completely different tangent, I was sent this link by someone who's hanging out in the next room, and I question this person's sanity. The site seems to be under construction at the moment, but what they do is build gigantic motherfucking dildos in the shape of animal dongs. Like THOR the neon yellow horse cock dildo you can't currently see now. But give it time, and I'm sure it'll be back.
It'll become one of those things you simply can't un-see soon enough!
Fingbutt: getting back to the juvenile in me, I can't help but laugh at this site every goddamn time I see it, even if it hasn't been updated in a while. The whole idea is simply ludicrous - pictures of fingers that look like butts! But this guy has a ton of them, and almost every single one gives me at least a little bit of a chuckle. I think that's why I randomly make my way back to the Fingbutt (not to be confused with the Butthutt).
You know, for random amusement!
Real Touch: getting back to naughty implements of self-pleasure, I present to you the Real Touch. This motherfucker is apparently a bizarre belt-driven masturbator device, that is synched up to videos these people are more than willing to sell you at a premium. It's like the fleshlight squared, and with a USB plug! I thought this was silly, at least until I started watching their promotional propaganda and then I thought it was terrifying.
My brain, my brain.
Female Muscle Dot Com: not only am I a juvenile but I'm also a pervert I guess. Sort of the flip-side of that terrible anorexic Russian girl gallery I gave you a few moment ago, this site showcases the ladies that don't look like they'd break if you looked at them funny, oh no. It is a gallery of all the women who will gladly beat you up and take your lunch money, and then stomp on your nuts for the sheer joy of it. And yet it's hot?
They even have pictures of Katie Couric all muscley in there somewhere.
Booty Babe Art: I include this one, a more recent discovery, because I simply like the goddamn site. I tripped over it on a random link from (of course) the Warren Ellis site, and just love how he puts these together, stylistically speaking. And naturally, I thought you would enjoy it as well, so here goes (sure, you say you'll like it, but what about the other links that horrified me? To that I say 'heh heh'.)
Enjoy!
Best of Craigslist: I saved this one for last 'cause I'm sure a bunch of you have seen it before, but I figured what the hell, I'd include it for the sake of including it. I like to read through these every month or so 'cause they slowly update it with the freakiest of the freaky - and you know that Craigslist is freaky to begin with. So yeah, peruse at your leisure, and come back every month or so for the new.
You'll laugh, you'll cry. Then you'll cry some more.