My brain is made of swiss cheese.
January 10th, 2012
I think I'm losing it.
In the past, when I've had a variety of physical problems, I apparently developed a few mental issues to go with them. Acute and persistent blood poisoning dulling the mind, and all that. I would get all sluggish and 'thick', for the lack of a better term, and was generally oblivious to everything around me. In the last couple of incidences of this it was so bad that people actually even noticed.
But this time it's a bit different. I've been noticing things here and there lately which have started to concern me. For one thing, sometimes when people are talking to me I can't actually register what they're saying. I used to chalk this up to me maybe having some sort of hearing problem, despite me always scoring off the charts on those tests they gave you in school - I am getting older, after all.
But what I've been finding lately is that, at random, it's like when someone is saying something to me I just can't make out the words right each time. Which causes them to repeat themselves. And then they talk to me as if I'm stupid or something... which maybe I am now. I don't know. If this was the only thing going on I wouldn't worry too much, but then there are the memory issues.
I first noticed them acutely when me and the sexy other and a friend of hers were out at a Smashburger ™ many months back, and we were talking and stuff, and 'snapped back' to awareness once or twice, as if I'd dozed off for a few seconds. I mean I was awake the whole time, but I experienced one or two momentary blank spots where I couldn't remember, say, what had just been said. And I think it showed.
But ever since then, I've noticed this a bit more. Sometimes I'll misplace a few seconds here or there, other times I can't remember what I'd done over the last couple of hours. It just doesn't register, and I wind up with a big blank spot where... whatever I was doing should be. This on top of being a lot more forgetful lately. Hell, last night I apparently forgot something real important - and got grief for it.
Probably with good reason, but nonetheless. The odd thing is that I've been trying real hard to take better care of myself. I've been eating very well - no junk food, no soda, nothing at all processed, even. I might just be suffering from acute withdrawal from all the chemicals I'd grown up eating and drinking, I dunno. But this problem has been going on well before we started the whole, uh, Whole 30 thing.
So perhaps my brain is full of swiss cheese. Which blows, because I didn't ruin it with the good drugs, or even the crappy ones like meth or bath salts or 'poppers'. Who knows, maybe all of my previous problems caused actual damage - or I'm just getting early Alzheimer's. Which is hilarious, since I'm only thirty eight. Hm. Maybe I should just run with it, or something. So yeah.
Keep an eye out for me roaming around Dayton with my underwear outside my pants, I guess.