Shrill. Drunken. Harpies.
February 21st, 2016
Since I resumed making daily posts at this here site, I've been trying with varying levels of success to avoid writing from a place of anger. You know, how I used to just come here and rail about anything and everything that had irked my ire, hexed me vexed, or ground my gears. But I, I have been trying to avoid complaining every day.
Today, however, will not be such a day.
This is because me and Brenda attempted to go see the Witch Saturday night, and things, they did not go well. We were told was an amazing movie by the Internets, and Patton Oswalt in particular. But the movie itself? Well, it had beautiful cinematography, excellent acting, and top notch writing. But the plot itself was awful. But that isn't why the two of us are here.
No, the reason I'm writing is because I hate humans. Especially humans in movie theaters. And in particular, I hate drunken harpies who feel the need to ruin the entire movie-going experience by cackling throughout the whole film. Sure, if you're going to see Deadpool, you expect the audience to make a whole lot of ruckus. And that's fine. But otherwise? Shut up and watch the damn film.
I suppose I am to blame for all of this. I mean, I was operating under the assumption that, being in an R rated movie, we were attending with adults who would eventually shut their pie holes and stop giggling every thirty seconds so that everyone sitting around them could hear what was happening on the screen. And worst of all, I was trying to be civil, and not tantrum at them.
But I think, I think I just have to stop that. I think I'm going to have to just channel my dad in situations like this, stand up, dump whatever I'm drinking in their faces, and scream at them to shut up. With as much profanity as I can fit into that short exclamation. Because we spent good money to see that movie, however much it may have fallen flat in our eyes, and we don't need that garbage.
Sure, Brenda sicced the management and a really, really tall security guard on these horrible women, but by then the damage was done, and she actually missed the end of the movie. Mind you, said ending went so far off the rails that this wasn't such a great loss, but that's not the point. The moral of the story is that if we're going to watch movies from now on, I guess we'll do it at home.
That way the only people making noise at the screen will be us.