Must... destroy... coworkers...!

February 26th, 2016

Must... kill...

Hey, Denny. I've just got to tell you the exact same story that I tell you every time this one city comes up in conversation, in case you forgot about that one time I went to that city and these things happened that makes me the ultimate authority about it so really whenever they say its name on the radio I'm going to repeat myself yet again, okay?

I'm know you're busy, Denny, but allow me to ramble on at length about the difference between sorcery and witchcraft, and how they both work using mankind's original language, whatever the heck that happens to be, because it's different from what it was before everyone quit using it at the Tower of Babel, and why are you looking at me like that?

Far be it from me to lecture you, Denny, but you know that Red Bull is bad for you, right? I mean I know I'm diabetic and have had several heart attacks and a couple strokes, so I know all about what you should and shouldn't eat, even though I'm sitting here eating a box overflowing with chocolate covered peanut clusters because it's full of protein, and nothing bad for me, you know?

Totally not trying to bother you, Denny, but I have to explain to you how this thing I hate that was designed in 1983 works, even though I've already rambled about this for an hour a week or so ago, and I know for a fact that you have the exact same knowledge about how electronics work, but I just won't feel happy unless I try to show off at least once a day.

Now I know I'm getting on your nerves, Denny, but insert twenty minute rant about this political sign I saw on the way to work over in the crappy town I live in that bothered me so much that I just have to make you pull your headphones off so I can go on about it until your eyes glaze over a couple of times and I realize you really don't care that I can't seem to reconcile its very existence.

Denny! I know that you're trying to actually be productive on your break, and are trying to work on something on your computer there since you don't actually have any time to do that when you're not at home anymore, but I have to completely interrupt your train of thought, because I'm really tired, so I was wondering if I could borrow one of your Red Bulls? I know I said they're bad for you but still.

...

Hey man, are you done with that thing you said you would've been done with a week ago, yet?

Uhh...

firebomb@obnoxiousjerk.com