Murder Birds!
March 3rd, 2016
As I pointed out last month, the Pokémon people are doing giveaways this year to celebrate their inexplicable, persistent success. And you know, more power to them, considering that I've contributed probably way too much to that success. Thus, since it is now March, I went to a GameStop location on my way home from work yesterday, in order to get me a level 100 Celebi. Because yes, I'm a nerd.
Just so you can get that out of your system now.
Anyway, I parked and strolled up to the game store, and poked around for a few minutes even though I had like what, two dollars in my bank account? After finding that I didn't want any of the games that are out right now anyway, I asked the guy at the counter for those promo cards that have the Pokémons on them. To which I was told that, this month, you can just download your monster - and need no card.
Which meant I'd wasted my time. Sigh. So, still fighting off the migraine I've had since Monday, I staggered back towards my Fit ™, at which point I was accosted by... these. These angry birds, along with several more that were hovering overhead, were rabidly attacking a couple slices of bread left there for... whatever reason, and upon seeing me, decided that I wanted their bread, too.
No, they didn't attack me or anything, which would've made for a much better story, but I know that they wanted to. These little monsters clearly recalled, in the back of their reptile brains, the fact that they used to be dinosaurs, and would've ate me given half the chance. Lacking teeth and talons and size and numbers, however, they simply glared at me in disdain.
Having lived over a year with a rabbit in the house, I know that look when I see it. So I just sneered at these stupid birds, who should be on a beach somewhere instead of lurking in a Dayton parking lot. In response, they began to gibber at me, in the way that only gulls can, so I took a few pictures. Until I was also accosted by another hobo for 'gas money', so he could 'get back to Troy'.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Lesser Dayton Metropolitan Area, Troy is a smaller town about twenty miles north of Dayton proper, which I was just outside of at the time... in a suburban pit called Huber Heights. Which made me wonder why someone who lived in Troy was working at a Wal-Mart in Huber Heights, when there are many Wal-Marts much closer to where he purportedly lived.
But I wasn't so curious that I was about to give him money, considering I was out of such anyway. So I left him and the gulls to fight it out. To the death! Okay, there probably wasn't any Mortal Kombat ™ going on there in the parking lot, but I was a bit damaged in the head at the time, so I'm perfectly content to visualize that meth head being carried off and eaten.
Even if eating him would get them stoned out of their tiny, tiny little bird brains.