Unexplained infuriation.

April 5th, 2016

I don't have the stupid hair today, but my expression matches nonetheless.

As I've had a lot of time to think at work the last couple of days, what with my having no work to speak of save for aggressive cleaning, I have been engaging in a bit of introspection. The reason for this is because, what I've been noting increasingly of late, is that I am filled with rage. I have no idea where it's coming from, but everything around me seems to just amplify it.

Twice while I sat here, for example, I've almost smashed my soup mug over the head of the guy behind me, because he's gnawing on a bag of Doritos ™ with his mouth wide open, and after every single chip, he apparently feels the need to pause and suck the flavor off of his fingers. Every. Single. Chip. I'm not saying I'm a paragon of dining etiquette, but come on.

The tale of my almost-homicide aside, this shouldn't set me off so much. Just because someone was apparently born under a barn and could only escape by lip-smacking their way to freedom, doesn't mean I should feel the need to mutilate them. Annoyance, sure, but grievous bodily harm? That seems a bit excessive, even by my normally touchy standards.

I wish I knew where this was coming from.

On the other hand, maybe I'm overthinking this. Maybe someone who audibly sucks at their teeth to free deposits of Doritos for five minutes after finishing the bag of the stupid things deserves to be skinned alive with a cheese grater. Because that's what he's doing right now, behind me, probably reading over my shoulder because he tries to do that every time he's in the break room with me. Every. Single. Time.

It would clearly be a case of justifiable homicide. It was either my sanity or his skull. Besides, I had to let the jerk vapors out of his head. It was a medicinal bludgeoning! Something something something my religious beliefs, first amendment, blah blah blah. Temporary insanity? What do you mean, I'm crazy? You didn't have to spend a half hour listening to this soul-sucking slurping!

But yes, back to my point. Something must be amiss with me, or else this and countless other things wouldn't get under my skin so readily. It's almost like I've regressed eight years in my temperament, without any discernible explanation as to why. It can't be just because I've actually gotten a decent amount of sleep, after all, because usually the lack of sleep was what made me so touchy in the past.

Unless... unless I've gotten too used to not sleeping well, as has been the case of late. Oh dear, that would be unfortunate.

firebomb@obnoxiousjerk.com