Crisis: Averted.

May 3rd, 2016

Nope, nobody had to die. This time.

Calamity has been averted, if barely.

I journeyed into the lunch room today in order to enjoy my Italian-style salad, along with my weight in angry Irish tea since I can no longer drink Red Bull; I did not, in fact, imbibe one over the weekend to aid in the proofreading of the ages, so that's a plus. I sat down, began to dig in, and suddenly I found myself growing irrationally furious.

Figuring out why took a minute, since at first all I heard was the horrible, open-mouthed chewing of Professor Beatshiskids, but I eventually recognized the shrill, willfully ignorant gibberings of the Tea Party Princess over the din of his ill-toothed maw. That's when I realized that I had forgotten to bring my headphones with me to lunch. I almost wound up drop kicking that nasty bag of dumb!

However! I realized my error and quickly fetched the protective implements (for them, not me) and resumed eating my salad. Thus, nobody had to take a ride from work to the hospital today. I'd cheer about that, but it's not like any of these scum deserve to persist anyway. And now, as I listen to angry German noise, the rage-inducing blathering is quickly falling out of my awareness.

What can I say? This was a good plan. I should've started this a long, long time ago. Because screw these morons. With a machete.

firebomb@obnoxiousjerk.com