More About the Obnoxious Jerk

Welcome to the Obnoxious Jerk. This collection of ones and zeroes is a home for the writings of its author. It is different than most digital resources you might be familiar with, because I am not a fool, and have not built another forum within which everyone can add their own two cents regarding everything they read. If you want to do that, you're going to have to build your own site, for this is my space.

While a lot of what you will eventually read here will be original to the Obnoxious Jerk, the truth is that I have done this before. My previous haunts of this stripe were banality.com, which I have traded away for some arts, and thegreatsatan.net, which I never really got around to doing a whole lot with. Probably because nobody respects .net domains, so that was most likely a good call.

Either way, I am porting material from those sites to this one, because why not? No need to throw out all my previous writing when it can readily apply to what I'm doing here. Mind you, a bit of it may need a bit of polishing, not to mention the removal of references to the previous domains, so it'll all arrive eventually. Slowly, I imagine, but eventually. Stick around, and you'll see. You'll all see!

My urge to write freestyle is haphazard, but it does persist. You may see me posting every day for months at a time, or you may see me post nothing for a similar amount of time. This is because I work a lot, and when I'm not working at work I'm often working on numerous other projects of mine. You can find more about those at Technohol 13, which I hope to finally complete, to an extent, before I die of old age.

But when I'm not nerding it up there or on one of several related sites, and feel the need to translate the static bouncing around my head meat into quasi-rational text, the plan is to drop by here to get it on. Perhaps the third time will be a charm, as it were, and I'll finally get into the regular habit of sharing my thoughts, gibberings, and opinions in one place. Beats wasting time on antisocial media, right?

Written for the Obnoxious Jerk

The primary landing point of the Obnoxious Jerk web site gives a chronological stream of everything I've written for it thus far - at least, for this site. For an index of that material, as well as what I've written for the Jerk's predecessor, Banality, and its predecessor in turn, the Great Satan, just scroll down. This way you can link to an individual gibbering, which you will surely do, because they lovely, are they not?

The Most Villainous Villain That Ever Villained Am I - February 2, 2019.

I am the most professional person ever. - January 9, 2019.

Can you see the resemblance? - January 8, 2019.

Dumber Than Even I Thought Possible - January 7, 2019.

I Had A Weird Dream 5 - January 6, 2019.

Welcome to 1998! - January 5, 2019.

Robots Slumming In Disguise - January 4, 2019.

Draw Doodles - January 3, 2019.

The Greatest Satan - January 2, 2019.

Insert Pithy New Year's Day Title Here - January 1, 2019.

Get out of the pool, Croc Master. GET OUT OF THE POOL. - December 13, 2018.

Sticking it to Incels - November 19, 2018.

What Are You Tarkin About? - November 18, 2018.

Villainous Diversions - November 16, 2018.

Book Much Less - November 10, 2018.

Heroic Diversions - November 9, 2018.

The Goatpocalypse is Now! - November 3, 2018.

One Wonders How One Becomes A Cross-Time Banker - November 2, 2018.

That Didn't Last Long - October 29, 2018.

Crazy Hate! - October 26, 2018.

(pop) - October 20, 2018.

Smash-up - October 19, 2018.

BathroomGate Continues - October 15, 2018.

I Would Say I Told You So, But... - October 13, 2018.

Hax - October 12, 2018.

(Sexually?) Harassed - October 11, 2018.

First, but not Foremost - October 5, 2018.

I'm Lovin' It ™ - October 2, 2018.

Of the Criminal Sort - September 28, 2018.

Loungin' - September 24, 2018.

Not Eraserhead - September 21, 2018.

The Black light Room - September 20, 2018.

The Battery Odyssey - September 15, 2018.

Punny - September 14, 2018.

I Should Have Been A Detective - September 10, 2018.

Twit No More - September 8, 2018.

A Bit On The Nose - September 7, 2018.

I Warned Them - September 6, 2018.

Don't Try This At Home - September 4, 2018.

The Pixels Less Traveled - August 31, 2018.

No, Seriously - August 30, 2018.

When Superheroes Let Themselves Go - August 24, 2018.

Animal Cracker Activists - August 21, 2018.

Alex Jones Lost the Info Wars - August 6, 2018.

The Great Banal Jerk - July 31, 2018.

Written for Banality

If only the American media had a spine. If only. - June 25, 2018.

My coworkers need a different outlet for their pent-up douchebaggery. - June 21, 2018.

A shiny Zygarde? Sure! - June 20, 2018.

Weird how that works. - June 19, 2018.

Misfire - June 8, 2018.

Mesothelioma Soup? - January 16, 2018.

But Wait, There's More - January 15, 2018.

My ASS - January 14, 2018.

Jackassery at the Factory - January 13, 2018.

Determined to Rule the World - January 12, 2018.

Leaping Out Of My Own Skin - January 11, 2018.

One (Hundred) To Grow On - January 10, 2018.

And Then There Was One None - January 9, 2018.

And Then There Was One - January 8, 2018.

My Ass. - January 7, 2018.

Didn't Do Nothin' - January 6, 2018.

Faking It Until I'm Done Making It - January 5, 2018.

Idle Time - January 4, 2018.

Fairies hopped up on Technohol - January 3, 2018.

Spectres of Coworkers Past - January 2, 2018.

Stack Overflow, Please Reboot Universe - January 1, 2018.

Olfactory Terrorism - January 24, 2017.

Crippling Craziness! - January 21, 2017.

Pixelated! - December 14, 2016.

All out of Pokémons ™ - December 7, 2016.

Hoo hoo hoo. - November 23, 2016.

Of migraines and men. - November 16, 2016.

Wherein humanity proves me right. - November 9, 2016.

Hey, a Genesect! - November 8, 2016.

Working on a Sunday. - September 18, 2016.

Hey, a Victini! - September 1, 2016.

It's my favorite holiday! - July 4, 2016.

What do you know, Nintendo ® is giving away free Shaymins! - July 1, 2016.

I should wear safety shoes twenty four hours a day. Or just line the house in Nerf ™. - June 10, 2016.

Disastrophe! - June 5, 2016.

I swear I need serious medication. - June 3, 2016.

The waiting game. - June 2, 2016.

Hey, a free Manaphy! - June 1, 2016.

No. Just... no. - May 31, 2016.

Incidentally, we also went hiking in the nature preserve last year, too. - May 30, 2016.

So we went hiking at the Glen Helen nature preserve today. - May 29, 2016.

Technoholic fan mail. For once! - May 27, 2016.

Bamboozlment! - May 26, 2016.

Again with the truck balls. - May 25, 2016.

Linkedin wants me to know they've been hax0red. - May 24, 2016.

Still a freeeeak! - May 23, 2016.

Put a ring on it? - May 22, 2016.

The Ziggurati: On Variant Histories - May 21, 2016.

Yveltal! - May 20, 2016.

Freeeeak! - May 19, 2016.

Stupid alarm clock. - May 18, 2016.

Yet. Another. Hand. Injury. - May 17, 2016.

The inevitable safety concern fallout. - May 16, 2016.

The Yellow Springs Chicken Gang strikes again! - May 15, 2016.

The Ziggurati: An Explanation. - May 14, 2016.

Another safety concern! - May 13, 2016.

Momentary earbud slip-up. - May 12, 2016.

Xerneas! - May 11, 2016.

Novelty cans! - May 10, 2016.

Nerdeavors! - May 9, 2016.

Behold: the (assembled) Air King ™! - May 8, 2016.

Easing away from the precipice. - May 6, 2017.

Behold: the (disassembled) Air King ™! - May 6, 2016.

Cinco de Zombo! - May 5, 2016.

Spooky, Spooky Pokémons! - May 4, 2016.

Crisis: Averted. - May 3, 2016.

More evidence of Ohio's weird weather. - May 2, 2016.

MAYDAY MAYDAY. - May 1, 2016.

In my defense, I only knuckled down and bought one of these. - April 30, 2016.

Check please. - April 29, 2016.

Alas, poor Red Bull ™, I miss thee. You know, again. - April 28, 2016.

Gratuitous puncture wounds, sir? - April 27, 2016.

That guy. - April 26, 2016.

What won't China do to rip you off? - April 25, 2016.

By Kutz ™ - April 24, 2016.

Some eats near town. - April 23, 2016.

I still work in a trap. - April 22, 2016.

Cognitive. Interference. - April 21, 2016.

Overenthusiastic yet somehow unmotivated: the stoner. - April 20, 2016.

Double the Banality! - April 19, 2016.

Crawford has something to tell you. - April 18, 2016.

The perfect ending to a perfect weekend. - April 17, 2016.

A mighty burger was he, but he were no match for the bottomless pit of despair within me. - April 16, 2016.

Kung-Fu Fire Chicken Dong Feathers! - April 15, 2016.

He wants a lap dance. - April 14, 2016.

It needs more elderberry jelly. - April 13, 2016.

Microsoft ® thinks it beat me. - April 12, 2016.

Quitting Red Bull ™ is difficult. - April 11, 2016.

Premier Ball, I choose you! - April 10, 2016.

Eighteen years of nerdery. Good gravy. - April 9, 2016.

Word ™ is dead. - April 8, 2016.

Awful chemical stews are hardly a tasty treat. - April 7, 2016.

Anything but the stairs! - April 6, 2016.

Unexplained infuriation. - April 5, 2016.

Ohio weather's like Nebraska's - it just changes more frequently. - April 4, 2016.

Antisocial media. - April 3, 2016.

Stupid on parade! - April 2, 2016.

Dumbest. Holiday. Ever. - April 1, 2016.

More weaponized cleaning. - March 31, 2016.

Our back yard! - March 30, 2016.

Still wrecked, but not so badly? - March 29, 2016.

I'm physically tired, sure, but most of my tired is inside my skull. - March 28, 2016.

Word. - March 27, 2016.

Sacrilicious! - March 26, 2016.

What's so good about it, anyway? - March 25, 2016.

Marvel at Red Beast and Blue Beast. - March 24, 2016.

Stealth Liberal. - March 23, 2016.

Wherein everyone gives me their two cents. - March 22, 2016.

Speaking of cleaning up other people's messes. - March 21, 2016.

Working on a Sunday sucks. - March 20, 2016.

Momentary Respite from the Dumb. - March 19, 2016.

Pico de Gallo-flavored potato chips. - March 18, 2016.

The (likely first of many) Underwear Incident. - March 17, 2016.

I think I'm getting old. - March 16, 2016.

Daylight Savings Time saves no daylight at all. - March 15, 2016.

Rolled, my eyes have. - March 14, 2016.

Probm! - March 13, 2016.

My not-Internet friends. - March 12, 2016.

The No Idle Chit Chat Treatment. - March 11, 2016.

The Stairwell of Caloric Death. - March 10, 2016.

So I am part of a grand conspiracy, I guess. - March 9, 2016.

Deposit urine everywhere except the urinal, please. - March 8, 2016.

I really need to stop using the break room at work. - March 7, 2016.

Poultry Platoon! - March 6, 2016.

Another instance of fury face. - March 5, 2016.

How circular can we get? - March 4, 2016.

Murder Birds! - March 3, 2016.

Snackenfreude! - March 2, 2016.

I'm also apparently criminal mastermind. - March 1, 2016.

Leap Day! - February 29, 2016.

I am apparently the master of all I survey. - February 28, 2016.

Here they come! (/primus) - February 27, 2016.

Must... destroy... coworkers...! - February 26, 2016.

Say hello to Crawford! - February 25, 2016.

A quick look at Yellow Springs. - February 24, 2016.

Because I haven't had enough dental work, apparently. - February 23, 2016.

SLOW RIDE. - February 22, 2016.

Shrill. Drunken. Harpies. - February 21, 2016.

I actually went outside today. - February 20, 2016.

Dental Dread. - February 19, 2016.

Totally a 'meh' day. - February 18, 2016.

Ugh, keep away. - February 17, 2016.

Bed Head... or Wolverine Head? - February 16, 2016.

I may or may not be glaring at you. - February 15, 2016.

Wherein I say even less than usual. - February 14, 2016.

So yeah, go see it. Like, now. - February 13, 2016.

Stick a fork in me? - February 12, 2016.

Union thugs! - February 11, 2016.

Maybe it's just me, but... - February 10, 2016.

Editing equipment... failing fast... - February 9, 2016.

I assure you that I didn't drink all of that at once. - February 8, 2016.

Nontroversy! - February 7, 2016.

Be healed, brother! - February 6, 2016.

A wild Mew approaches! - February 5, 2016.

I work with the most interesting people. - February 4, 2016.

Nerk! - February 3, 2016.

Recovery on many fronts! - February 2, 2016.

Talk about an about face. - February 1, 2016.

Pretty nasty, huh? - January 31, 2016.

Poop! - January 30, 2016.

Cubicile! - January 29, 2016.

Emo Day. - January 28, 2016.

I appear to be discorporating. - January 27, 2016.

Someday, I may finish my book. - January 26, 2016.

Poutrage! - January 25, 2016.

Feeling good! - January 24, 2016.

I really, really hate country music. - January 23, 2016.

Why don't you, sit right back, and I, I may tell you, a Tale (/greenjelly) - January 22, 2016.

Pico de Gallo! - January 21, 2016.

I also hate working with migraines. - January 20, 2016.

I hate working in a death trap. - January 19, 2016.

Getting better and better. - January 18, 2016.

Chorizo! - January 17, 2016.

If my coworkers all died in a fire, I wouldn't feel too bad. - January 16, 2016.

Weaponized Neuroses? - January 15, 2016.

Comicvine sucks. And blows. - January 14, 2016.

I used to think Iowans couldn't drive. Then I moved to Dayton. - January 13, 2016.

Some coworkers are more ignorant than others. Or, as they say here, Ignant. - January 12, 2016.

Forward progress, I make it. - January 11, 2011.

Nope, nothing hinky going on here. - January 10, 2016.

I just don't see the pastel fuss. - January 9, 2016.

Good. Bad. I'm the one with the debit card. - January 8, 2016.

I assure you that I do actually work at work. - January 7, 2016.

Low calorie yet delicious! - January 6, 2016.

How much radiation does it take to get to the center of an electronics technician? - January 5, 2016.

So. Tired. - January 4, 2016.

Crawford requires treats. - January 3, 2016.

A bit about Technohol 13 - January 2, 2016.

New years, new tears. - January 1, 2016.

You wouldn't like it if I touched your things. - September 15, 2015.

I hate meddlers. I really do. - August 11, 2015.

Dieting sucks. - September 2, 2014.

Don't want to be Darth Sulin. - August 26, 2014.

I have outlived one of my nemeses. - August 8, 2014.

So I have a beggar stalker. Or stalker beggar? - February 22, 2014.

Face full of hurt. - February 26, 2013.

So why do all of you constantly think the end is nigh, anyway? - December 22, 2012.

My brain is made of swiss cheese. - January 11, 2012.

Fuck you, Tennessee. - June 10, 2011.

Death of the Tea Party Exchange - August 20, 2010.

Gallery: Death of the Anti-Terror Gas Station - August 11, 2010.

Gallery: Failmobiles! - August 6, 2010.

Hate Mail 2! - July 28, 2010.

Hate Mail! - July 5, 2010.

Sad shoes and stolen seats. - June 16, 2010.

Frankenstein's Muscle Car? - February 23, 2010.

OVER THE TOP! - February 2, 2010.

Hoo Hah? - January 24, 2010.

The future is now, and it don't like you. - January 22, 2010.

Red State ™ Health Insurance Q & A - January 21, 2010.

Still all wrecked up. - January 19, 2010.

Fitting music and I can't even share it with you. Bah. - January 18, 2010.

366 days - and no fatalities yet... - January 17, 2010.

Anniversary! - January 16, 2010.

I Had A Weird Dream 4 - January 15, 2010.

A bonus to yesterday's theft. - January 14, 2010.

I hope someone catches Eye Herpes. - January 13, 2010.

John Cornyn is a twit. - January 12, 2010.

More detail than you really needed. - January 11, 2010.

Links of the Damned 2: Fun Edition - January 10, 2010.

I Had A Weird Dream 3 - January 09, 2010.

Second Walkabout: the general idea. - January 08, 2010.

Advice for the Superstitious. - January 07, 2010.

Surprise Indiana Jones reference (and little else) - January 06, 2010.

Alas, poor Internets forums. - January 05, 2010.

Whither Thither Mister Fister? - January 04, 2010.

RIP RPG? - January 03, 2010.

Am I more stubborn than me? Let's find out. - January 02, 2010.

Step away from the Blackberry, or we shoot! - January 01, 2010.

Alas, poor 2009. I knew it well. - December 31, 2009.

An end to the interlude. - November 28, 2009.

A sort of interlude. - November 11, 2009.

Have I mentioned I hate X-Mas? - November 9, 2009.

Poo in Dayton - or a suburb therein. - August 3, 2009.

The TSA loves yoo. - July 24, 2009.

Random Rage. - July 23, 2009.

The Zoo! - June 25, 2009.

Horses and Free Comics. - May 06, 2009.

Attack of the Fat, Rich and Drug-addicted Traitors! - April 20, 2009.

Attack of the Furries! - April 18, 2009.

Amazon Dot Com Are Bigots? Who Knew? - April 12, 2009.

Do you like April Fools' Day? You suck. - April 01, 2009.

Random Things 3 - March 31, 2009.

I Had A Weird Dream 2 - March 29, 2009.

So you ask why, do you? - March 25, 2009.

Links of the Damned 1: Filth Edition - March 23, 2009.

Pizza! - March 22, 2009.

Fuck you, ADT. Just in case I hadn't said so already. - March 20, 2009.

Not yours, mine! - March 19, 2009.

Sticker Bumpers. - March 18, 2009.

Whitey's! - March 17, 2009.

Creation... Museum? - March 15, 2009.

Sandwich of the Devil! - March 14, 2009.

So yeah, I really hate HR people, in case you weren't sure. - March 13, 2009.

Dick dick dick dick dick dick dickty dick dick. - March 07, 2009.

Alas, Poor 5 ™ Gum, I Hardly Knew Ye. - March 05, 2009.

Cookie! - March 04, 2009.

Rot in Hell, Earnhardt. - March 03, 2009.

So this is Ohio. - February 13, 2009.

I'm not dead. Not this time, either. - February 03, 2009.

Facebook is Scary. - January 03, 2009.

New Year, yet Old Meh. - January 02, 2009.

You may feel a little pressure... - December 02, 2008.

Self Help Guide For Wanks With Alarm Systems - November 18, 2008.

Shit Canned ™ - November 12, 2008.

Not dead and not amused. - November 05, 2008.

Call me Lazarus. - October 22, 2008.

The urethoplastic horror. - October 19, 2008.

Finally finished that Web Marketing Man site. Hoo-rah! - October 05, 2008.

More medically malcontent than before. - September 30, 2008.

<3 - September 26, 2008.

I Had A Weird Dream 1 - September 17, 2008.

Revised Master Plan. - September 16, 2008.

First Workout! - September 11, 2008.

So really. Who puts barbed wire fencing around a church? - September 10, 2008.

Goddamn Razor. - September 09, 2008.

All About Chris. - September 02, 2008.

Attack of the killer FEMA. - August 22, 2008.

5. - August 01, 2008.

Give it moar drugs. - July 31, 2008.

High speed danger photography. - July 26, 2008.

Random Things 2 - July 25, 2008.

Bizarre Bondage Nurse. - July 24, 2008.

Undeath bed. - July 23, 2008.

Have I mentioned I hate the Space Nazi Super Pope? Plus: O Hai Ku. - July 21, 2008.

Ads: You're Doing Them Wrong. - July 11, 2008.

Random Things 1 - July 10, 2008.

Metered Intellect. - July 09, 2008.

Medically Malcontent. - July 07, 2008.

Sprint = Meh. - June 20, 2008.

Holy cow, I organized. - June 19, 2008.

Proofread! - June 18, 2008.

Jesus freaks at work. - June 17, 2008.

Downtown Omaha's Leahy Park. - June 02, 2008.

Trying to enjoy the awesome despite unsupervised brats. - May 27, 2008.

First Ramble! - May 26, 2008.

Written for the Great Satan

Almost Killed. - June 15, 2003.

Last, but Not Least

Rejoice, for I give you more the gift of COLOR! Black, Red, Orange, Green, Cyan, Blue, or Purple! Okay, fine, the color was already there to begin with. I'm just giving you the option to pick the color you prefer, in case one of them makes your eyes wiggle. I have that with the green and the cyan, sometimes, so I know the feeling. So have at it, though I don't think it's permanent or anything.

firebomb@obnoxiousjerk.com